What the world needs now is Doom, sweet Doom. Yes, while the 14th of February sends some folks’ thoughts into the aether, while others search through gas station bouquet stands, the dedicated speedmapping mod team Pineapple Under the Sea Studios know that one universal truth remains: What the world really needs today of all days is Doom. 

I bring you the studio’s 24th (!) major Doom project, the aptly named Lover’s Quarrel. Themed around love and Valentine’s day, a bunch of mappers were given six hours apiece to create Deathmatch maps, which were then adjusted (“often in major ways”) to also work as singleplayer maps. 

“Come and join us on this romantic stroll and kill some demons along the way! And hop into a Deathmatch or co-op server, with or without a valentine, to lose yourself in this world of love!”

You can only respect the enthusiasm. This is a 32 map “megawad” for Doom 2, with a slightly adjusted palette to bring out the colour pink, a whole bunch of custom textures and sprites, multiple difficulty levels and, almost unbelievably, 32 cover tracks: You can hear Barry White’s classic My First, My Last, My Everything in the trailer, and the song’s never sounded so Doom.

The soundtrack alone makes this remarkable. Other songs covered in Doom style include Flesh for Fantasy and White Wedding by Billy Idol, I’d Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That) by Meatloaf/Jim Steinman, Never Gonna Give You Up by Stock Aitken Waterman, Wham’s peerless Carless Whisper, The Power of Love by Huey Lewis and the News, Bohemian Like You by The Dandy Warhols, What is Love by Haddaway (!) and Heart of Glass by Blondie.

Well, now you know what to do. Tell that special person to come over tonight. Get a bottle of wine in, dim the lights, get the LAN set up, and prepare for a very romantic evening… in hell!